i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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