I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
