Are we in a gay sports bar?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
