If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
