I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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