I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
