he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
