I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
