Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
