GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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