I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
