Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
