Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize