All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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