I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
