She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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