After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
