Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
we should paint friendship bongs
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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