i think my tv is drunk
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
