So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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