we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
