its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
