You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
