If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
