even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
