The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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