Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
