we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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