Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
