According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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