He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
