The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
