the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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