I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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