I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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