3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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