You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
