she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
