bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
