I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
