I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Actions speak louder than pants.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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