I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
