In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize