i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Holy shit dude........stairs
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