wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
