just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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