I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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