let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
