so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
