...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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