The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
as a side note pls kill me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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