Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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