Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
