Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
