Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
