I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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