so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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