Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
