Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
