When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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