i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
