WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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