I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
