i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
