i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
