I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
