so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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