My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
