Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
