What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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