so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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